While who I am is currently under review, the one thing I am certain of is how lucky I am to have my little sweet bundle of crazy smiling at me every morning. She’s my proof that I can do this. I have done this. And she’s going to be what helps me move through the tears.
She has this sniffy nose thing that she does—often her prompting for “Eskimo Kisses”. And when I’m in my throes of tears, she seems to think that it is “sniffy nose time” and therefore sniffs back. On a light cry, this can bring a smile to my face. In the midst of a full body sobbing…nothing brings my smile…and it hurts that I can ‘t play and enjoy my child that I do have.
I love that there is a term for the siblings born after their angel sibling (rainbow baby), but I think it’s just as important for the ones who are there. THEY are important. They play their own role in family recovery—and for that I am calling my beautiful daughter my sunshine baby. As she is the light peeking through the stormy angry clouds. My sunshine on a cloudy day.
She makes me happy when skies are Grey…
I still cry, wail, and sob. I want to smash something. Wake up and find it was a bad dream.
Some days I don’t want to function…my husband takes over keeping our Sunshine shining. But I do get through…and I tell her (through my tears and amidst her 8 month old squirms to get down and play) how I love her—never to doubt my love.
And she sniffs back.
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