About Me

I'm a mommy to a Sunshine and an Angel. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for my Living Sunshine, but wish too that I had two little sunshines. 


We got pregnant so quickly after our Sunshine was born. She was six months--and folks it really does only take once. What a surprise our angel baby was. I still have the pregnancy test as I kept having to go back and make sure that second line was real. And now I can't throw it away. 


At our first appointment we had a sonogram. The baby's heart beat. Happy and Healthy said the Doctor. A week later, unbeknownst to us, that heart stopped.


Eleven weeks pregnant I go back for my follow up appointment. I went alone (well with the Sunshine in tow). It's just to hear the heartbeat, not a huge deal--except there was none. The doctor had chosen to find the heartbeat with the sonogram machine--a free sono said the nurse. I was excited to see the baby again.


Except she couldn't find it. Then she did. Small and still laying on the bottom of my womb. I knew right away that it wasn't ok. "Oh, Tracy" says the doctor."the baby isn't measuring as big as I expected" Then we did the internal sonogram to make sure. Hope lingered (even though in my heart I knew nothing would change). And then it was dashed.


Being July 4th the next day, my D&C was scheduled for Friday. I couldn't miscarry at home. The not knowing when and how long had me afraid. I needed to move on (HAH!). 
So here we are parents of a Sunshine and an Angel.


I'm looking for that day we have little Rainbows. But I'm so afraid. I want to be pregnant now. This waiting and not knowing. When my Sunshine was born I had Placenta Accreta. Scar tissue may cause problems with subsequent babies. I don't believe that was the cause here...but I wonder. Can I do this again? I did it once. Now I've been the statistic twice. I'm so scared. I try to hope, but the fear...it's overwhelming sometimes.


Someday....